Don’t You Know I’m Loco?

It’s time to kick off gang month properly! Here’s part one of our review of 1993 classic Mi Vida Loca!

You Give Love A Bad Name

Ah, Valentine’s. Naysayers be damned, there is a certain feeling in the air that makes for romance that shakes the heavens. Relationships will blossom and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, might blossom into marriage. Pretty awesome, right?

Talk to us in June.

Your Relationship Is Going To Fail!

We’re In The Mood….For Love

Hello to all there out in GarbageDayLand!

With Valentine’s Day upon us, that sinking feeling that you’re damned to die alone is more prevalent than ever. Believe us, we’re there with you. Oh god, are we there.

But you can’t keep a good group of hack writers down! That’s why we’re proud to announce:

Garbage Day’s Lovelife Advice (A.K.A. “Please God, Don’t Let Me Die Alone”) Bonanza!

Here’s how it works: You write to us at everydayisgarbageday@gmail.com with all of your relationship questions and we’ll answer them right here on this page!

Trying to tell that special someone how you feel? We got it!

Just been dumped? We’ll tell you how to cope!

Do they just want to be friends? We’ll tell you how drunk you have to get them!

It burns when you take a piss? Penicillin! Lots of it!

So write in now with all your questions…no problem is too small for the certified love doctors at Garbage Day.

All letters must be received by February 12th.If you want to remian anonymous or what have you, let us know in the letter. We might oblige.

In the meantime look for other love-related articles (but mostly non-love related articles) right here on Garbage Day!

xo,

Kevin & Mogan

The Trouble With Sluts

There aren’t enough readily available.

I’m gonna dispel a common myth: being a comedy blogger does not get you the type of ass one would think it does. And being a manchild, I have…erm..needs. Needs which must be met, preferably with as little amount of claw marks to my face as possible.

It’s hard to meet women. Actually, strike that. It’s easy to meet women. All one needs to do is step foot out the door and visit a local bar. With a slight amount of confidence and a large amount of booze, you’ll be chatting away in no time.

But fuck that. I don’t want conversation and I certainly don’t want another friend. Dinner and drinks? Psh. Catching a movie and coffee? No ma’m.

All of the aforementioned are just the middleman between a guy and getting some. In a move of sheer brilliance, I took to the internet to cut out the supurfolous bullshit and make my life more the the R. Kelly song it was meant to be.

pictured: my hero

Waiting for a 12 year old and pee joke? Fuck it, I want it all.

So here’s the ad I put on Craigslist:

The Results? Nothing.

Nothing but girls who thought it was “really funny.” And would like to meet me based on my “sense of humor.” After I tried to explain I wasn’t kidding, all communication halted.

What the fuck, people? Are you telling me there’s no sluts out there?

With Valentine’s day on the horizon, you can be certain the prospective sluts of Chicago have not heard the last from Garbage Day.

You Wanted The Best?! You Got…This.

The polls are in people! I asked you to vote on what you’d like to read, and the people have spoken.

So here it is!

Garbage Day’s Open Letters To People I Never Really Liked, But Will Never Speak To Again.