Dear God No

I remember watching Disney’s Robin Hood when I was a kid and thinking how great it would be to have anthropomorhic friends I could run around and have adventures with.

At 27 years, my wish came true. Now I’m living in a nightmare I can’t wake up from.

Murder Was The Case Preview!

Low Down Crooks Goin Crazaye: Gangs and Pop Culture

From approximately 1990 until 1996, Gang culture captivated Americans with either massive appeal or sheer terror like a cross between heroes of the wild west and an unstoppable killer from a horror movie.

While middle class white adults trembled in terror of the idea of taking the wrong freeway exit and being carjacked for their ’89 hatchback Rabbit, their own saggy pants children fantasied about that very scenario from the back seat as a means to ditch their lame-ass suburban being for a life of back yard barbecues/topless volley tournament days and nights filled with unprotected sex and random gunshots.

no joke. this was an actual album.

Holy Fucking Shit!!!!!!

How To Teach The Kids A Lesson In A Po-Mo Hipster World, By Scaring The Living Crap Out Of Them

As Kevin pointed out with his recent post, children and parents of the 80′s were pretty easy to scare. Just tell ‘em that every old white guy with a receding hairline and a members only jacket is on the hunt to diddle some grassless fields using candy as bait, and every kid in America is on lock down until junior year of college. It was this mentality that strongly attributed to the sardonic flippance of the youth of the 90′s, which was pretty much a complete rebellion to their parents over protectiveness. Sarcasm and irony became the fruits of the spirit and biting the hand that feeds (or pays for college/rent/car insurance) was the average badge of courage. This teen angst/parental dependency led us to the hipster movement of today, where really kids only worry is if their headband matches their iphone or if Vampire Weekend will still be cool by the time the show they bought tickets for on ebay rolls around.