It’s 42 degrees here at Garbage Day’s Chicago headquarters. You know what that means: bust out the beach blankets, get the lawn darts sharpened and add a Zyrtec to your fistful of antidepressants, anti-psychotics, muscle relaxants and methadone you’re downing with your morning Bloody Mary! It’s time for….
this is gonna be a feel good article
Posted in Bangin, Kevin D, Medical Advice
Tagged drinking, failure, hatred, i'd hit it, relationships, sexual deviance, surefire tips
Kevin and Mogan: Love Technicians is done! We’ve answered your questions, which was no small feat. Bitches are out of their minds. Anyhow, We cut a quick preview for you. Tell all your friends! See you on the 14th!
Posted in Feltching, Kevin D, Mogan B, videos
Tagged relationships, sexual deviance, sluts, very special episode
Ah, Valentine’s. Naysayers be damned, there is a certain feeling in the air that makes for romance that shakes the heavens. Relationships will blossom and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, might blossom into marriage. Pretty awesome, right?
Talk to us in June.
Posted in Bangin, Feltching, Kevin D
Tagged hatchet wounds, hatred, love, relationships, sexual deviance, sluts, surefire tips
Hello to all there out in GarbageDayLand!
With Valentine’s Day upon us, that sinking feeling that you’re damned to die alone is more prevalent than ever. Believe us, we’re there with you. Oh god, are we there.
But you can’t keep a good group of hack writers down! That’s why we’re proud to announce:
Here’s how it works: You write to us at everydayisgarbageday@gmail.com with all of your relationship questions and we’ll answer them right here on this page!
Trying to tell that special someone how you feel? We got it!
Just been dumped? We’ll tell you how to cope!
Do they just want to be friends? We’ll tell you how drunk you have to get them!
It burns when you take a piss? Penicillin! Lots of it!
So write in now with all your questions…no problem is too small for the certified love doctors at Garbage Day.
All letters must be received by February 12th.If you want to remian anonymous or what have you, let us know in the letter. We might oblige.
In the meantime look for other love-related articles (but mostly non-love related articles) right here on Garbage Day!
xo,
Kevin & Mogan
There aren’t enough readily available.
I’m gonna dispel a common myth: being a comedy blogger does not get you the type of ass one would think it does. And being a manchild, I have…erm..needs. Needs which must be met, preferably with as little amount of claw marks to my face as possible.
It’s hard to meet women. Actually, strike that. It’s easy to meet women. All one needs to do is step foot out the door and visit a local bar. With a slight amount of confidence and a large amount of booze, you’ll be chatting away in no time.
But fuck that. I don’t want conversation and I certainly don’t want another friend. Dinner and drinks? Psh. Catching a movie and coffee? No ma’m.
All of the aforementioned are just the middleman between a guy and getting some. In a move of sheer brilliance, I took to the internet to cut out the supurfolous bullshit and make my life more the the R. Kelly song it was meant to be.
pictured: my hero
Waiting for a 12 year old and pee joke? Fuck it, I want it all.
So here’s the ad I put on Craigslist:
The Results? Nothing.
Nothing but girls who thought it was “really funny.” And would like to meet me based on my “sense of humor.” After I tried to explain I wasn’t kidding, all communication halted.
What the fuck, people? Are you telling me there’s no sluts out there?
With Valentine’s day on the horizon, you can be certain the prospective sluts of Chicago have not heard the last from Garbage Day.
Posted in Bangin, Feltching, Kevin D
Tagged hatchet wounds, love, relationships, sexual deviance, sluts
