Get Ready!

Kevin and Mogan: Love Technicians is done! We’ve answered your questions, which was no small feat. Bitches are out of their minds. Anyhow, We cut a quick preview for you. Tell all your friends! See you on the 14th!

You Give Love A Bad Name

Ah, Valentine’s. Naysayers be damned, there is a certain feeling in the air that makes for romance that shakes the heavens. Relationships will blossom and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, might blossom into marriage. Pretty awesome, right?

Talk to us in June.

Your Relationship Is Going To Fail!

The Trouble With Sluts

There aren’t enough readily available.

I’m gonna dispel a common myth: being a comedy blogger does not get you the type of ass one would think it does. And being a manchild, I have…erm..needs. Needs which must be met, preferably with as little amount of claw marks to my face as possible.

It’s hard to meet women. Actually, strike that. It’s easy to meet women. All one needs to do is step foot out the door and visit a local bar. With a slight amount of confidence and a large amount of booze, you’ll be chatting away in no time.

But fuck that. I don’t want conversation and I certainly don’t want another friend. Dinner and drinks? Psh. Catching a movie and coffee? No ma’m.

All of the aforementioned are just the middleman between a guy and getting some. In a move of sheer brilliance, I took to the internet to cut out the supurfolous bullshit and make my life more the the R. Kelly song it was meant to be.

pictured: my hero

Waiting for a 12 year old and pee joke? Fuck it, I want it all.

So here’s the ad I put on Craigslist:

The Results? Nothing.

Nothing but girls who thought it was “really funny.” And would like to meet me based on my “sense of humor.” After I tried to explain I wasn’t kidding, all communication halted.

What the fuck, people? Are you telling me there’s no sluts out there?

With Valentine’s day on the horizon, you can be certain the prospective sluts of Chicago have not heard the last from Garbage Day.